It's been awhile

Well Spring has finally sprung and I can say I couldn't be happier. Easter went pretty well despite our missing link. The kids have played so much that they can barely make 7pm without passing out somewhere. Which I might add is nice. Toby is getting huge, I wanted a big dog well I got one. He is like another kid and need attention just like they do. We have got to see Jeremy through web cam a lot lately which is always nice to see his face while talking to him. It makes a world of difference to the girls. Mayle is finally opening up to the fact that he is gone for now, but he is still there. I think she thought he was really gone for good there for awhile she refused to talk on the phone or even look at his face through the cam. Masa thought my razor was a toothbrush and shaved off the end of her thumb, it finally stopped bleeding after 2 days. Makenzi ran away the other day, well not for real but all the kids were riding bikes outside and I noticed that she was no where to be found. My neighbor and I looked for her for a good 45 mins and then I got in the car and went driving to see if I could find her. I found her on the other side of our housing area playing in a little girls back yard. She was in trouble the rest of the day, she asked me what I was going to do... I told her I was about to call the cops, she had this weird look on her face and said "OH" That night at about 11pm she came to me and said "Mommy I will not run away from you again" Maddison she is just a living terror, she wouldn't listen to me even if I paid her. I think this deployment has affected them all differently but for Maddi she has just became a nightmare. We are almost 3 months into this deployment and it feel like forever. I have just became numb to the fact and really lost all feeling. I was told this would happen but I never really thought it would. I think your mind can only miss someone so long before it just shuts itself off. For me with 4 kids I have just drifted, I can see I now want my own life, I know some of you may think I have a life, but honestly I feel like I don't. Routinely I just want to scream because I am so bored. I tried reading and yes it passes time, I tried blogging every night but you can see it has been weeks now... It's time for a "LIFE" if that is a job, or school, something has got to give or I am going to be pulling what hair I have left out. Anyways I just thought I would type a little to give an update. This is 2 months 16 days.... Bookmarked <3